Survival…a tiny little trailer dancing in my head

New Year’s day took Shane and the kids off to the Callen’s farm, our real life friends.  Shane and his buddy Dan are working on restoring the little teeny tiny trailer we purchased from Craig’s List over the summer.  When we got her she had that old musty smell, used to be white grey dirty color and in general kind of icky.  The challenge and my desire to bring the 1969 Shasta back to life was one desire that my sweet husband willingly conceded to.  He has quite the gift with remodeling and fixing yet had never taken his hand to a tiny tin box of this sort.

My ideals are mostly sentimental, not really about the trailer itself.  It’s more the comfort it brings when I day dream about our summer trips, trips as child in the wilderness of Washington State with my parents, hiking, biking and traipsing through the woods  or with the Royal Ranger group, similar to the boy scouts, my dad helped mentor.  My most recent memories bring up homemade marshmallows from Mick, camp packets with aluminum foil and veggie yummies inside (Nicole has finally conceded to the expensive extra strong foil) that go over the fire and more recently a happy tent we like to call the “love shack”.  Harrison doesn’t especially appreciate that nickname since it has two rooms and one side is his…  So the trailer is an upgrade.  I will enjoy personalizing the inside touches and tucking away little gadgets over time that enhance the camping experience.  Picking the perfect vintage printed fabric for curtains and cushion covers as well as old light weight unbreakable plates and containers are all part of the fun.

While the family was away I took time to read, clean up a bit and I have a little corner in my room where I stash some of my favorites for my journey next month.  My annual 40 day trip is only a month a way.  So many preparations.  Often the items I need the most for “survival” are not as much about the actual physical need but about overcoming my own weaknesses.  While I do take some emergency food resources that basically cover quick sugar, electrolytes, fat and salt which in real food looks like nuts, dried fruit, fruit chews and buffalo jerky, I’m not really worried about starving.  I take medication to help me sleep, help me breathe when my asthma struggles, prescription cream for my flea and other bug bites as well as my vitamin stash including my trusty old zinc.  The majority of items I take that are not the basic survival necessities really are more like my  little trailer, little things to help me remember home.  To help me remember how much my family loves me.  I love being with my African family.  I love everything about being in the village, in mama’s mud home and surrounded by the children.  Every once in awhile I just am weak.  The over sensory of blatant needs and the spiritual fronts that push in on all sides give me a need for a moment of relief.

Today I tucked away a new tube of lotion from Harrison from Christmas.  Two tiny candy canes in my stocking from Sheri, my mother-n-law.  A pretty necklace and a soft hat, a fuzzy notebook and cover and a new gel pen from Shane.  Little treasures.  Little gifts that for a moment will ground me in the love I left and yet that same love  that gives me wings and allows me to travel across the sea.  There is work to be done, children to love.  Opportunities for my own growth, stamina and resistance to my own insecurities, sinful nature and internal ugliness.  Africa has it’s way of showing them to me brightly and yet giving me grace.  It seems as if Jesus uses this opportunity to help clean me up or refine me.

When I am weak, in those moments of aloneness in my own skin, just Jesus and me, I put on a little lotion, suck on a candy cane, open my journal and write a few notes with my gel pen and think of my pretty little trailer that’s waiting for me at home.  Yup, I’m weak.  I’m human.  I have needs.  I am so thankful for a God who allows me to be fully me, who he created in my strengths and weaknesses and fully hugs me in his arms just as I am.  As this New Year begins and I continue to stash away my necessary treasures for survival, I am continually aware of the Love of my friends, my family and my God.